Repentance

I come upon a place very different from what I thought. The Lord wont take me back to where i was early this morning where i saw my son and his suffering and how he felt about my book and my blogging. I caught a glimpse of it and then it was gone again. I … Continue reading Repentance →

All is Well

Resident T., who pissed in the sunshine outside the smoking porch this afternoon, was out there alone when i went outsude for a lonely smike just now, and ran inside when he saw me. On the way back in i felt corrupted, like I became the bully I have inside. On the way up the … Continue reading All is Well →

“Pissed” off

A male resident just pissed in front of me outside the smoking porch. I wasnt looking and then i turned around and got an eyeful. I am very upset. I have been struggling all morning with a post that wouldn't come out right so i finally ditched three posts and im starting from scratch. On … Continue reading “Pissed” off →

Wow

Big things are in the pipeline. This morning I made up with the patient B. whom i mentioned in another post: he had a bad fall over the weekend so it was timely. I had forgiven him and repented if a bad attitude towards his clumsiness borne out if resentment. Thank God. On the way … Continue reading Wow →

White Woman Gives an Accounting

Now i have my life complete. The last thing in the pipeline was the questionable involvement with black racial ussues, where I had determined that i sexualized Blacks and withdrew from that arena. I repented. But repentance brings good things. I have always been thrown into the race issue since marching for blacks with my … Continue reading White Woman Gives an Accounting →

Icarus

When I was too young i flew too close to the sun, and my wings of wax melted. I was dancing with my father, not knowing what else to do. I crashed and burned, Here i am on the smoking porch of a personal care boarding home 35 years later, awash in the embers of … Continue reading Icarus →

New Innocence, Continued

God tells us to give the reasons for our faith, and it is delightful to do it. I was thinking back to the awful place where i came here to Pennsylvania after the divorce instead if following my dream of going back to the antique and beautiful apartment complex in Buffalo we moved to to … Continue reading New Innocence, Continued →

New innocence

Finally I found myself in tears and held by Jesus. Other things went wrong besides the ones I mentioned in my last post "Ectopic Pregnancy," and i realized that i have changed since yesterday as described in ny post "Freedom," about a release from the sex with my husband which had continued in my mind. … Continue reading New innocence →

Ectopic Pregnancy

Somewhere in all this posting i neglected to record the moment where my mother's ectopic pregnancy came true. She banished it from memory all her life but we have all lived with it. In the post "Sick Today" i recorded The place where she grabbed at my soul, and the nightswatchman caught me there unprotected … Continue reading Ectopic Pregnancy →

Struggle

The struggle is getting me down. Friction with my roommate. I woke up a blank slate and went die for fruit gummy candy from rhe snack machine and then for a cigsrette and when the man A. bummed a cigarette I blurted out what is always in my mind when i see him, "you're a … Continue reading Struggle →