DANGER

I use the word ALIEN--just like that--frequently and sometimes when I do it comes to me to think of the common use of that word to signify a person of foreign status. It's sort of funny because everyone in my family of origin could qualify and also in my family by marriage. This is, however, … Continue reading DANGER →

Clozaril

It's a miracle drug for people like me with "toxic brain syndrome"--who have been run through the mill with every kind of anti-psychotic medicine and anti-anxiety medicine and anti-epileptic medicine and other psych meds--from one doctor after another and on one psych ward after another. Well, that is my profile. I've been one of the … Continue reading Clozaril →

The worst part of my life

...now I see it! Excuse me, I only got 3 hours sleep and I don't do too well with that but I have a breaking realization in regard to my current posting that just has to come out. The Lamictal overdose in November of 2016 was the worst thing I ever did to harm myself. … Continue reading The worst part of my life →

Face

So, the expression "saving face" comes from Asian culture. I am the proud owner of a new face! An absolutely hideous one!!! I think it will improve with time. But, I'm stuck with it for now. Here, let's see if it's any better in the morning light: it is! Either way, the one I saw … Continue reading Face →

For A.

My best friend, I love you. I sense that my posting angered you and I would never willingly do that to you. I had some horrible news last night about my health condition. After 3 hours sleep I woke up to realize it wasn't true. It was a goad to get me to look at … Continue reading For A. →

yes

...is a beautiful word. yes it does hurt my feeling when I understand that nobody wants to know me when they see how I look right now. Please understand that I am still in a transitional phase and that I am anticipating it will last for at least another two months. Underneath everything else that … Continue reading yes →

The Spy Who Loved Me to Death

Not my ex. But it coulda been. My father f'd up. He just didn't know how to give. Too poor as a child. Didn't know how to give me away to the man of my dreams when I met him. So on the Tower unit I sang for him--my ex. I stood in the back … Continue reading The Spy Who Loved Me to Death →

Abt My Mother

I have to beg for indulgence toward her, I am thinking that she is still living. Please remember the picture I painted of her that I saw of her in my mind, running through a deep forest in a flowered dress terrified of being skinned alive by natives. It was so horrifying to me. I … Continue reading Abt My Mother →

Sick Work

This is sick work, but it has to be done. Now that I have been able to relinquish the pitiable condition with which I have been enmeshed in the WORST SUFFERING since I was in my late 20's, I can turn my focus to the cause I planned to pick up two years ago, along … Continue reading Sick Work →

Lack of Training in America

Lord, help us all with our lack of training in America, especially with our words! We come here from other countries trying to fit in. I felt lethargic and stupid and left out at best, an ugly mess at worst. What is the American language? It is constantly being redefined. There is money in this. … Continue reading Lack of Training in America →