Ulterior Motives

Poor Sasha! I just didn't know! The shocker was that her skin was falling off! The vet tech went to comb her back and her skin was falling off with her hair in chunks. The problem with this for me was that back in November of 2016 I made a suicide attempt of taking a … Continue reading Ulterior Motives →

Gone With the Wind

Elizabeth Taylor. She always reminded me of my mother. Dark hair, a little husky, statuesque. I don't think I ever told anyone that. Nobody listened to things like that in me. And, moreover, my mother was a steeplechaser in her youth in England (See: "National Velvet,") So, on a different note, my mother also reminded … Continue reading Gone With the Wind →

“Saying Goodbye”

Text to my son: "I didn't even see it; how this butterfly is granma, and she came to say goodbye to us. That she came to ME, to show ME, and everybody else that I LOVED HER, and she knew it. She just couldn't acknowledge it. Like, how to stay in fighting trim on a … Continue reading “Saying Goodbye” →

Letter to My Husband

"Salvation is here..." From a popular Christian song. I could never figure out why they didn't do anything when they took me out of the ambulance literally kicking and screaming back in the summer of 1986, after I lost control after stopping the Mellaril (an older antipsychotic medication) after getting out of getting out of … Continue reading Letter to My Husband →

Brothers death “altruistic”

When i was seeing Sister Marie for baptismal counseling, about 2 years ago, i had a concern that caused me to ask my father to step in. It was a sexuality issue that i didn't t know how to resolve. My father said that would be "altruistic" for him to get involved. As if that … Continue reading Brothers death “altruistic” →

Old book projects d/c’d

"Every Cloud," a book project that had me for so long, i have discontinued, set aside, abandoned, after this mention i will never again bring it to mind. It led to a serious suicide attrmpt and a bankruptcy. Since then, my brother effectively commited suicide. The book project kept me alive in the most visceral … Continue reading Old book projects d/c’d →

Sane

i am putting this back up today because everybody is making me mad. i wrote it a week ago, and then took it down the following morning: It comes upon me to write this post exposing my father's folly in his married and other personal life after about 6 1/4 years since a suicide attempt … Continue reading Sane →

Prophet of the psych ward; AGAIN

This has been my role for so long. Life drives you to this. I had the coronavirus mask; and the sunglasses to cover my poor broken eyes (shock; eyelashes all gone.) And then one day I put on the hospital robes, one front to back, the other back to front; and it triggered my old … Continue reading Prophet of the psych ward; AGAIN →

Prophets

It's about abortion. "I am the king of the world." "My name is David SON, S-U-N of GOD." I was constantly going to writing a novel called "Voices," I just liked the sound of that title. "My name is power." Uh hmm. (This is a patient from the state hospital speaking through me over the … Continue reading Prophets →

MO

Its the newer anti psychotic med that has been causing all this for me. What a horrible night. Left at 7 a.m. without even taking my meds. Drove around all day for 5 hours. Didn't even feed the poor cats. So, I was thinking, maybe I just wont even go back. And, I realized I … Continue reading MO →