Vanity

Ive been waiting for this all my life--to arrive at the loss of vanity. I see that even as I am so is it coming through to my mother and dad. I looked at my new shoes yesterday and didn't get a gestalt and didn't resist this, and felt funny all day wearing them but … Continue reading Vanity →

oops

yes I was poisonous to him. I had staff bumps all over my bottom when we met. He must have kept reinfecting from me, This is a disaster. I was dirty.

My beautiful marriage

1- me the WORST driver in the world he learned on the German Autobahn at 90 miles per hour 2- he got a survey engineering degree at UNB, the "UNB mafia" I was on the Hutton Dove literary magazine 3- I didn't wash when I was a child and was accustomed to scuz he had … Continue reading My beautiful marriage →

one plus one equals one

Finally got it! It took a second after questioning whether I shold leave "things we turn a blind eye to" as a published post. I remembered the "scuz" of my childhood. The greasy film on my scalp, the thick layer of white scum on my teeth. My mother didnt attend to my washing and because … Continue reading one plus one equals one →

Invoking St. Isodore of Seville–updated

He is the patron saint of the internet and the likely saint of my present plight, I am hitting on the rocks of the injustice surrounding my assay into the world of artificial intelligence in an introductory programming course in college. In the fall of 1981 I created a program which generated 2-paragraph essays on … Continue reading Invoking St. Isodore of Seville–updated →

for the record–updated

I can finally demonstrate that my mother has changed toward me in a way that prejudices her in making judgments in the cases and situations of my disability. She was good enough to call an ambulance when she found me a few hours from death after the overdose November two years ago; but she did … Continue reading for the record–updated →

“Life is a Certain Way”

Ive said this before and now ill say it again, you go only so far --and it can be miles or decades or centuries--and then all of a sudden there it is, lifes basic conundrum. Im looking at destiny and then, im sitting diwn to ear a bowl of ceresk--simple enough. But i had 3 … Continue reading “Life is a Certain Way” →

Improper Conduct

Freshman year at an elite institution of higher educational which i call "Hutton College," a young wiman who was the daughter of a Dean at a major Unicersity on the West Coast.presuned to take control of my life. I was a hurting unit. Ny farher had sexually abised ne; he had approached me sexually evidentally … Continue reading Improper Conduct →

It is well with my soul

So at 56 i have finally found my way out of the bix. My sister found it at age 13. She USED ME. I renember the monent, and that i felt like id climbed behind a rovk id nevrr find the way around. My brother took my mother on wben he was 18 and hus … Continue reading It is well with my soul →

Down to the wire

Well its the last moments of a life passage thats been going down here for the last several weeks. I just went to the supermarket and i funally heard that "still, small voice that everybody always taljs about. It said "be still." And i suddenly realuzed, my life is in order.