Sister

Now my sister is what's up on the smoking porch. Through chance associations we fell upon her husband who grew up on a bus in South central Florida with 9 other kids. I cant say any more without clearly revealing his identity. You really did it this time sister. I'm not really sure how that … Continue reading Sister →

Down a few points on the smoking porch

Had to go out with the protection of a staffer and she was protecting the peace in general and not just me and i took a few steps down in humility that i wasnt well able to accept, not being well established in my new mode which is falling all over nyself in my old, … Continue reading Down a few points on the smoking porch →

Sudden Death in the Smoke Shack

Well I thought I had it beat. With all this that I've been going through, and private smoke breaks, I've gotten in touch with gentler times, despite the horrors and a gentler me, happier, more positive, even with all the tragedy. But im forced back into the Smoke Shack by various factors including rain, and … Continue reading Sudden Death in the Smoke Shack →

Unthinkable

It was UNTHINKABLE what happened to me. I loved music. To play the piano. My family. To read books. I loved horses. To listen to my brother play the guitar. I loved to be sweetly sad. To get carried away with a movie. I was sexually destroyed, my clitoris in a clamp and my urethra … Continue reading Unthinkable →

SEXUAL INJURY

That's what my life comes down to. Nobody wants to go near it. Its not that they dont understand, they dont want to have anything to do with it. Like the girl in a car crash who talked about "self-cathing" and never came back, and the guy in one partial program who talked about his … Continue reading SEXUAL INJURY →

Oh Miss S.

What a time it's been. I haven't thought if you much since then. In the end, as fall semester in James House wore on, I was moving into acute paranoid stress psychosis. Your worst nightmares were true. I thought of harming you. I won't say it all even here because it would probably get me … Continue reading Oh Miss S. →

Superbowl win: personal status

For the Eagles, obviously. It just had to be. It coats over the dismal dismay of my illness with morning sunshine, and my favorite breakfast, poached eggs, English muffins and bacon. I probably should have opted for the hot cereal but I missed the last poached eggs too. So I'm feeling just a tiny little bit … Continue reading Superbowl win: personal status →

Nightmare

My mother is frightening. As i came to post about her I was sidetracked by an email notification, which I don't usually get: it was her. I was coming here to post about a horrifying clarity I have cone to about my whole adult life, it is completely defined,from where i stand now, by the … Continue reading Nightmare →

Illness and Insight

God has some brutal or "brute force" ways of working. As soon as I said I would trust in his always keeping the thread for me, He broke it. And at the same time he showed me my roommate, who is, it turns out, a Catholic. (She went to Mass this morning.) So much as … Continue reading Illness and Insight →

Breaking News–A Miracle

OR "The Power of Repentance" How can I share this? I have trusted in 'promptings,' like St. Faustian, feeling foolish and simple and as if God was playing a game to humiliate me and now His LOVE is surging through. I see the face if Jesus gentling me through all the broken places. "You have … Continue reading Breaking News–A Miracle →