Throwing hot coffee at my son, getting tasered

In 2011 or thereabouts, when i was off medication because i had just been on a posych ward which had duscharged me with a prescription for an anti-psycotic medication costing $1000 a month; i had a very nasty episode involving my son and his girlfriend. He had shoved me in the lower abdomen because i … Continue reading Throwing hot coffee at my son, getting tasered →

Grief

Steven did you know I would sit outside the Giant supermarket holding on to the steering wheel of my Ford Fusion wrenched with sobs when I finaly figured out that you were gone? Grief is not longer just a word. I didn't know where I was going. I hadn't had anything to eat. I was … Continue reading Grief →

Hallelujah

Last night I went to be without taking my bedtime medications. After a brief moment of sheer terror, I embraced the day, and it has proved through the watershed of my brother's suicide. The denouement is that I finally understood that my first psychiatrist--"CHILD psychiatrist!" I always said-- was right in putting me on an … Continue reading Hallelujah →

Problem Smoker

As i mull over rhe situation with my brother i cone upon the great tragedy of my life, which is that it was entirely lost to the vow to smoke myself to death by the time i was 35. I made the vow the night of the morning that my father abused me, which was … Continue reading Problem Smoker →

Rage

As i walk away from my brother's dearh which OF COURSE was accidental because he didnt realize what he was doing when he jumoed off that cliff, he had a silly idea in his mind--thats the sad truth. All he needed was career counseling. My fathet and my ex husband are SLIME. He was CRYING … Continue reading Rage →

Asshole

I have learned NEVER to use that word about any man. But there is an exception to every rule. I am embracing words from a book called "The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse." Dan Allender says in this book that it IS good to confront your abuser, if possible, when … Continue reading Asshole →

Writing my way out of my blog

With my baptism on Satuday comes a restoration of old faith and, unbelievably, faith enough to declare my old vocation, which is to write.I never really stopped but for a while i couldnt even write a check. Because of the medication I was taking, Tegretol, the sound and feel of the pen touching the paper … Continue reading Writing my way out of my blog →

fight

my mother and father are in their early eighties. my brother's suicide has been too much for them. I was baptised into the Catholic Church yesterday. It was a beautiful private ceremony. Of course they were not invited. They are atheists. Unfortunately, my father closely guards the Catholic baptism of his youth. It is one … Continue reading fight →

cats

I have an issue with cats which took me to places that aren't safe to write about. I was stymied in self-publishing because things that were second nature to me couldn't be put in print. I kept pushing these issues and they kept saying no. This has taken me to a place of healing and … Continue reading cats →

After 40 years, Hope

At "Hutton" University, not its real name--perhaps you can guess the real name --i became a Pharisee. It took time. But after the state hospital--i clearly remember the moment--i heard the words describing the requirements of a SUPREME COURT JUSTICE--that they must take care not only of the fact if propriety but also of every … Continue reading After 40 years, Hope →