I was torn in the van ride over to partial hospital program this morning. The driver was using the spoken GPS guidance to get here. I exclaimed, "wow!" And thought of when I held the bright blue cell phone all lit up in lights that i had in Florida thinking, this is the culmination of … Continue reading Torn
Cutting to the chase
My mother is napping so she can't come to visit. I wanted her to, because i am on my last pack of cigarettes, i suddenly discovered. That carton went by fast. So she and my father will cone tomorrow. I hate that "father," as it applies to my dad, is a humorous word. I remember … Continue reading Cutting to the chase
“Arghhhhh, my eyes!” CAUGHTx2 A Long Post; edited for clarity
The Lord is waking me up this morning with attention to my eyes. The title represents me some 20 years ago screaming on a psych ward because my eyes were spasming. I hadn't connected yet about the sexual injury in fact I'm just connecting right now that eye function is closely intertwined with brain function … Continue reading “Arghhhhh, my eyes!” CAUGHTx2 A Long Post; edited for clarity
Sexual addiction
I didnt expect to be back so soon, it was gruelling to post that last post on a cell phone. The typos get insane. Once again the smoke shack unsettled me: Big J. of the size 16 (20?) shoes was out there alone. I lit up my cigarette.Then I realized he was making slight grunting … Continue reading Sexual addiction
Immanence
Subtitled Very Important Post Problem on the smoking porch continuing to be resolved alongside my OCD, and the DO, DO NOT voices with inception when I was refusing Zyprexa yet taking Topamax, the Topamax I am taking again now. I remember saying to myself on the psych ward, 1, i can't die for my cat … Continue reading Immanence
Quality of life Issue
Every so often it comes down to things that are really basic. The suppositories make my butt ache. It doesn't quit. It aches all week long and right now, after using it at 4, it's still excruciating. My roommate and i are exchanging suicudal ideation. I haven't explained to her about the suppositories. This is … Continue reading Quality of life Issue
UTI plus
It turned out I was super constipated too. Generally these days i have to use a suppository for constipation about every 5 days and this time I went 6 days and last time I didn't go enough. So I was feeling a little boggy as well as being immobilized by the UTI. God bless my … Continue reading UTI plus
UTI
Why am I so friggin stupid. I dont take myself seriously. My inner voices TOLD me not to go to partial program, i went anyway, and i cried and i didn't kniw why. My therapy session felt like a waste and i didn't know why. The smoking pirch got way out of control and i … Continue reading UTI
Feeding Frenzy
Male Residents P. And K. were out there on the picnic table benches in the slight, drizzling rain openly harassing me inside the smoking shed. Female resident T. was talking to someone else out there and minding her own business, she is usually kind or at least neutral. How mean can people be. So I … Continue reading Feeding Frenzy
Big J.
Big J. on the smoking porch is out of line. This man has the mental age of his shoe size which is even more alarming because they must be about size 16, this man is HUGE, and he throws his weight around, that's what he's doing now. His size wins out over any rational argument. … Continue reading Big J.
Un.Bon.Mot 