Money Matters

I was falling into fear tonight after sleeping at least 12 hours last night. I woke up feeling happy but then I wasn't sure what was going on. Then, I started cleaning and, it was the weirdest thing, the extremely disgustingly old dustbunnies all looked like lizards and were all the same size and I … Continue reading Money Matters →

Today

Today I was very drowsy all day long, more so than I would have expected after returning to Clozaril after just a week or less off of it. I just forced myself up off the bed (it is 7:48 p.m.) to get up and come here to post And I will stay awake until at … Continue reading Today →

DANGER

I use the word ALIEN--just like that--frequently and sometimes when I do it comes to me to think of the common use of that word to signify a person of foreign status. It's sort of funny because everyone in my family of origin could qualify and also in my family by marriage. This is, however, … Continue reading DANGER →

Clozaril

It's a miracle drug for people like me with "toxic brain syndrome"--who have been run through the mill with every kind of anti-psychotic medicine and anti-anxiety medicine and anti-epileptic medicine and other psych meds--from one doctor after another and on one psych ward after another. Well, that is my profile. I've been one of the … Continue reading Clozaril →

The worst part of my life

...now I see it! Excuse me, I only got 3 hours sleep and I don't do too well with that but I have a breaking realization in regard to my current posting that just has to come out. The Lamictal overdose in November of 2016 was the worst thing I ever did to harm myself. … Continue reading The worst part of my life →

Egoism

I knew about the Japanese before I started to write about them that they are a highly egoistic culture. As I remember the religion is Shinto and I don't know anything about it even though I pursued Asian studies for a year in High School. I got blown out of the water myself after that … Continue reading Egoism →

Face

So, the expression "saving face" comes from Asian culture. I am the proud owner of a new face! An absolutely hideous one!!! I think it will improve with time. But, I'm stuck with it for now. Here, let's see if it's any better in the morning light: it is! Either way, the one I saw … Continue reading Face →

For A.

My best friend, I love you. I sense that my posting angered you and I would never willingly do that to you. I had some horrible news last night about my health condition. After 3 hours sleep I woke up to realize it wasn't true. It was a goad to get me to look at … Continue reading For A. →

When I was little

We vacationed in Maine one summer. My brother was catching mackerel as fast as he could put down the line. He took them off the hook and I banged their heads with a hammer. I don't know why. Did someone tell me to? At the river we went to one time in New Jersey, I … Continue reading When I was little →

yes

...is a beautiful word. yes it does hurt my feeling when I understand that nobody wants to know me when they see how I look right now. Please understand that I am still in a transitional phase and that I am anticipating it will last for at least another two months. Underneath everything else that … Continue reading yes →