over the ocd

Thank God. I just realized it. This is real. This should be WORLD NEWS!!! I'm over the OCD. I was finally able to express it as a "disorder of my reflexes." It was like I was watching myself think and move and getting stuck. A doctor in California called it "anxiety reactive" and I took … Continue reading over the ocd →

organic personality disorder

with complications of Major Depression, bizarre and disabling OCD, and destructive PTSD, especially as related to the psych ward; after my last stay I simply can't be on one every again. and then there are serious physical complaints, new ones. My legs and feet hurt so much I can barely walk, and I was guessing … Continue reading organic personality disorder →

California

Ian, im sitting here thinking out college. It took a lifetime to figure out the social bs mostly because of being English. And because of grandads hi-tech job. I had to go to a major university to field my needs and to fit in but I wasnt really prepared for it. So, today, I am … Continue reading California →

About the OCD

First of all, Its going. After 33 years. Going back to when I really started coming apart, at the Lodge Program at Wernersville State Hospital in Berks County, PA, in 1987, when I was 26. Years later, I became acquaintainted with the Catholic Universal Prayer by Pope Clement XI which is very long and exhaustive. … Continue reading About the OCD →

Performance Art

Performance art. That was something that went by with the 80s as I remember it. But that's was where I continued to inhere all these years pending ongoing psychoanalysis attaching to my old psychoanalyst in Cambridge. Mass., whom I touched based with now and again over the decades that followed after leaving. The 80s. I … Continue reading Performance Art →

Lies and Deception. Updated 8/10/2020 4:30 pm

This post was just updated: First of all, its about the rape at the beach when i was 13. When i was living here in my 20s, they (my parents) (world's worst friends to children) said to me, obliquely, "It happened when you were 13." A few years later--i was still living here-- i mentioned … Continue reading Lies and Deception. Updated 8/10/2020 4:30 pm →

cats

I have an issue with cats which took me to places that aren't safe to write about. I was stymied in self-publishing because things that were second nature to me couldn't be put in print. I kept pushing these issues and they kept saying no. This has taken me to a place of healing and … Continue reading cats →

My Weight

I remember despairing down in St. Petersburg, Florida, when i heard somebody say on the radio they just had to "lose weight and quit smokimg." Thzt was what it came down to. I dont want to dismay my reader with a report of my weight except to say that for a long time it has … Continue reading My Weight →

Hell Month

April--Hell month--is finally over. It spilled over into today: i had the apex of Hell month on Monday, the 30th, wben i saw my lawyer in the morning, after doing bloodwork first thing, then a yearly appointment with my PCP to catch up on this Hell Year-and-a-half of continuous hospitalization+boarding home. It was the 1s … Continue reading Hell Month →

Praying

The interracial incident continues to play out. I see tbat i was feeling invisible, like a Black man does, see, "the Invisible Man." I would have tolerated it if it weren't for the threat of a third Black man, a younger man with whom i frequently have trouble, threatening to cut in ahead of me … Continue reading Praying →