Saturday night 5/22. Last night I identified myself to my sons girlfriend--where there has been a conflict--as having an "exotic eating disorder." I realized it myself; at the end of my life--I am 59 years old-- I am moving into my final dieting mode. This one is going to work! The Lord is with me. … Continue reading Foodie, men; revised
Tag: Sexual injury
Sister Claire
I NEVER HAD A SINGLE THOUGHT OF HARM TO MY SISTER CLAIRE MURPHY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Through being entirely deprived of proper care after she was born and moreover being asked to care for her, despite a severe handicap of being kneed in the crotch by my brother, I learned a life of service … Continue reading Sister Claire
Human Beings
In California my ex and I made up the game "Who's the Asshole?" The winner got to walk away with the most attitude. Through that, I learned NEVER NEVER NEVER to use that word about a man. I lost my life over it twice. More recently, the game has been "Who's the saint?" That has … Continue reading Human Beings
GRACE
Ian,I wanted to tell you of the significant change that I experienced in the last few days.I finally realized all these things that were explained by an understanding of my sexual disability since childhood.The final and most important was my sick childhood feeling about Mother Mary, Grandad queered us so badly about religion but for … Continue reading GRACE
It all happened so fast
A paradigm shift. From Boston/Manhattan to Buffalo; 1982 to 1993. Englamerica to Canenglamerica. In 1978 I applied to Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Brown, Colgate, and a few other top Colleges. Yale had the sense to wait list me, after two questionable interviews. I got in everwhere else, on the strength of a phenomenal personal essay about … Continue reading It all happened so fast
Living a Disabled Life
My current psychiatrist is severely physically disabled. He is a hunchback I am taking an example from him about how to live the disabled life socially. I am severely physicslly disabled by my sexual injury. It is a psychosexual disability that people pick up on right away. People here are usually pretty nice to me. … Continue reading Living a Disabled Life
Terror
With my mother and me terror is always a factor. I am looking--in my mind--at the video footage of my son that i described in my last post--sick and disoriented. And it strikes me as a reflection of reacting with a sexually damaged Mom. That my mother just fostered our actual telatuonshio. But NO! My … Continue reading Terror
one plus one equals one
Finally got it! It took a second after questioning whether I shold leave "things we turn a blind eye to" as a published post. I remembered the "scuz" of my childhood. The greasy film on my scalp, the thick layer of white scum on my teeth. My mother didnt attend to my washing and because … Continue reading one plus one equals one
Watershed
So im sitting here and i prayed and i sat diwn in my mind with the pastor who closed tbe door on me and my talk of sexual abuse. And God showed me, yes. You will have to acceot this evl from me. And i do get words like this from him at times. And … Continue reading Watershed
Today
Today, i am looking at finally overturning their Johns Hopkins victory. it was won with ill will and falsehood. Today Sister M showed me Godly love for my hurt places and now i know what the UNgodly past has been. "Tell her not to stimulate you," the CHILD psychiatrist said to me as i was … Continue reading Today
Un.Bon.Mot 