annointed

I called myself the annointed of the psych ward. Or, alternately, its wors pain in the ass. Maybe the state of the art of psyvhiatry was perfectky fine before i came knocking at its door.

i read a book by some b ody who wrote about abuses of the mentally ill on state hospital wards. He talked about hearing the staffers joking calously about “Vitamin H”–in other words, Haldol, the older anti-psycuotic and– i can say from personal experience–the worst.

when i ditched my zyprexa and wound up in

TH serious shit 9n 2 different hospitals in Tampa, Florida, i saw a middle aged man receiving a shot in his room. I just knew from the expression on his face that it was Haldol. I dont have a picture in either crayons or words to describe the pain that i could see was being inflicted on this person. And I was just another patient. I just had to let It g9.

then it was my turn! I was brutaluzed into submitting to taking an anti psychotic medicati9n. The head nurse said i was better off of it.

i lea4ned never a gain6obe6o p an anti p sychotic med without the favorable supervision of a very good doctor,

itvwascalways myvdream tonstop these meds. Befor e, it was so i coukd have v a baby. N ow, its because of what Lipsey sai d: “the medications are clouding your thoughts more than they are clearing them,”

i got wll kinds of good info from 5hat stay.

like, unde4stwnding t he diffe4ence between psychotic thinking a nd ERRONEOUS thinking. The latter ve8ng we hat i s7ffered fr9m.

also,fd up decisi9n-making was a serious issue.

but in thebend i b was left worst thanvever before without appropriate medical supe4vusion. T9 pull any of this together. My parents picked my outpatient doctor and tgerefore they got to him first. Things just stayed that way to the point of stagnation. As pointed put by a lovely psychiatrist in %ampa who only accept3d cash and worked with a well-to-do clientel but he tok an inte4est for a while when i really needed it. He wasnt always righy but i had his s7pport.

so, that came after Feldman made me the annointed of the psycg ward.

i did not choose that role.

bur as i was thinking abkut it today i have been wondering about hiw that book u read slanted my view of my own MH tr3atment and that of otgers. It seemed that plenty of patients came abd went withoit a complaint but there were otgers like myself who werent able to get help and we all git used fir rge “millieu.”

someone on a pstch ward in Florida called me “a site of the psych ward.”

after thar i was ready ti leave town and ut qasnt long before i did.

so now i am here.

and i have had some very interesting news to my mind that i cannot yet confirm or deny.

oh, and i forgot to mention the billion aliens that are here to help. Just call them and they will come to you.

alien4 has lightening sabres and alien5 fights with spears of gold. I have another one thats just dots which form an illusion sort of like a net. That is his type.

playing a little tonight just the littlest bit.

on a more serious note, was i called to do all this?

the ali3n here was real and so was the one that came to me in the hospital. U cant go back on that or i would be lying,

And they were there to help my own personal grievance at being able to be pulled off tgevstreet and placed on a psych ward without due cause based on my little understood history of the past. Because rgatvwas what uvwas tge4e abiut, yes u git thriwn out if tge hiuse late at night; but i was carried forward by the necessity to report whar i had seen. And i had nowhere to go to do this except a psch ward which equals MADNESS.

as for be8ng annointed i have talked in the past about what happened on Feldmans psych ward in Tamoa. The place cleared out and there were only a few of us left.

BEFORE i agreed to take the medicine so that i could sleep, i was laying in bed with horrible pains in the back of my head a nd u was afraid i wouid die. The Lord was making me think of my cat Daisy, who did die around that time, i heard later.

i said to myself AT T HAT TIME that i wouldnt be a martyr for Daisy, no matter that i lovedd her or for thementally ill. Because i didnt think that was my problem. My problems were physical.

my experience of psych care had been so hirrendous and i have my son to thank for the fact that i have crossed over this difficult part of my life back to the safety of h9me and family.

id like to recover what i was looking at here this time last year before i was forced to leave. i was having the most fabulous time. But at the heart it was for Ian, where i had this wild retroactively interpolated chikdbirth et cete4a and having to find a surrogate mother. And that i might die. But ian would live.