Clouds

I used to love clouds.

When my son was two years to three years old, he spent two weeks at a time here in PA and two weeks at a time in suburb of D.C. in Maryland. In a townhouse.

When I was driving home from dropping him off with my mother, the clouds piled up high over the turnpike make me think of God.

Oh, Ian (my son) is my copilot in this post. (His main deal was rainbows.)

At about the same age as this was for him, or maybe a few years later my brother and I took a flight on Boeing to England. We were spellbound the entire time by the sight of the white, fluffy clouds below us. I wanted so badly to jump out the windows and dive in.

After that trip, Steve and I didn’t get along as well. If he was anything at all like me he must also have wanted to stay in England. So we shied away from each other. Nothing to say.

The monkey in the middle is sister Claire.

Welcome to my mind given the nightmares I had about, what if a wave or a tide came in when we buried her up to her neck in sand??? We pulled her out!!!

So, now it’s Ian and that was hard on Claire. It was hard on me when she was born. It was hard on everybody in different ways when Ian was born, even me. But Claire had to take a big step backwards. She had always delighted in being the littlest and all of a sudden that became a bad word for her. IAN was the littlest. She did so much to help with him, I just wish she could have had some moral guidance in this regard. She chose not to have any children, which is entirely her business, but I did not appreciate where she walked with army boots over mine.

So, recently I have been saying to myself, it’s from a song from a famous movie or show:

“Que sera sera

Whatever will be will be

The future’s not ours to see

Que sera sera.”

It’s the solution to my OCD which is almost completely healed. We try to control things things that way. The saying is, “Let go and let God.”